God’s Goodness, Yes! Fairytale, Not Even Close.
As we approach Mother’s Day, I’ve become extremely reflective of my journey. Meeting my now husband 7 years ago, I had no idea the turn my life would take for the better. You see, before I met my husband, I had been in a series of emotionally abusive relationships with men who were considered, good men, “Christians”, and influential in their peer groups and industries. Nothing about my journey to marriage and motherhood was easy, so I don’t take any blessing that God has given me, for granted. If I hadn’t been extremely intentional about my spiritual growth and allowing God’s voice to lead me, I’m not even sure you’d be reading this today.
Take a quick trip down memory lane with me…
I had “fallen in love” with a man whom I thought was the one. We met while I lived in Los Angeles, and he seemed too good to be true. He flew home with me during an extremely pivotal time in my life, met my family and close friends and even traveled to Las Vegas to support me during my Miss Black USA competition. Well, he had other plans on his agenda that didn’t include being faithful to me. He cheated on me or depending on who you ask, I was the other woman, and had a baby with that woman. I then move clear across the country to Atlanta, GA only to run into him, a year later, while out to dinner with one of my closest friends. I decided to listen to him, and naively make the decision to take him back, yeah dumb I know. But to make matters worse, after taking him back, he left my apartment on Christmas Day, to fly to California, to be with his son, which made sense in the moment, but I didn’t realize that I wouldn’t hear from him for 3 weeks, because he’d actually left to go marry another woman. YUP. Married, not even the mother of his child. So needless to say that sent me over the edge.
After going through that foolishness, I then ended up in a relationship 6 months later with a guy that told me no one would ever love me because I was too hard to please and that I should just get used to being alone. Interestingly enough, he was cheating on me with a young lady I sang in the choir with. Yup. Did I mention we met at church singing on the praise team together? Yeah… One of those…
And last but not least, the last man I dated before I met my husband, told me God told him I was his wife, courted me, cooked for me, took me on a road trip, spent time with our close friends from church together, and we even hosted a holiday gathering at my place together, only for him to break up with me out of the blue, and 2 weeks later get engaged to another woman. Yup! And did I mention he had just met her at one of the many friend outings we would do amongst our church friends, 2 weeks prior? Yeah, he only knew her for 2 weeks… Oh and after being confronted by our close friends and myself for all the foolishness, confusion, and hurt he caused me, told me that I should kill myself. YUP. This all happened to me. For a consistent 5 years of my life, I felt like I was on the Truman Show, and my life was some sort of reality TV show that everyone in the world knew about except for me. This is literally the smallest tidbit of my story. That aside, I never thought real love would ever be possible for me, let alone becoming someone’s mother.
I had been told I wasn’t enough, been 2nd choice, and mentally and emotionally abused continuously by men for 7 years of my life. But during intense self reflection, prayer & earnestly seeking God, He spoke to me clearly. I remember clearly asking God, what was wrong with me? Why do I keep attracting this garbage? What am I doing wrong? What is it that I need to change God? When will it be my time? This wasn’t an easy place to be in, but I was serious about healing, and letting God bring me His best. I was done being nice. I was done giving the benefit of the doubt like most women do. I was done ignoring red flags, and made a decision to love myself more than anyone or anything. Intense prayer, therapy, lifestyle changes, and forgiveness of myself and the men who had hurt me was the start.
I remember the day God told me my husband was in Detroit. He told me everything you lost will be given back to you 100 times over if you just trust me. And I have been basking in God’s goodness ever since. I know some of you may be wondering when your time will come. Believe me, I’ve been there, sis. Just remember, God always keeps his promises. He kept His promises of becoming a wife & mother to me, & He will do the same for you. Believe it! Rest in His PROMISES. There is a life full of amazing moments waiting for you on the other side of your faithfulness.